Monday, August 13, 2007

It's so new to me!

Even though, due to having become a Reformed Baptist as an adult, I'm somewhat familiar with the idea of not having to ask Jesus into your heart or of needing to make Jesus your personal Lord and Savior, and even though I know that making a decision for Christ is not what *saves* you, it still feels odd to me and freaks me out a bit to think about those things not being true.

Lutheran theology has such a different paradigm. It's radically different, in my opinion, than common evangelicalism in American today. I'm *still* struggling to grasp it. I'm hoping I'll continue having "aha" moments, and that some day I'll truly finally understand. I go a little forward thinking I'm okay with it and like I could definitely be Lutheran, at least conservative Lutheran!, and then I'm like "ack! No WAY! This is so different than what I've been taught my whole life. How could I change so dramatically like that?!"

I grew up attending a fundamentalist Baptist (GARB approved) school from kindergarent through 12th grade (except for two half years in first and second grade), and I attended a (then) GARB approved college for four years and got my degree there. How could someone like me become Lutheran? Just tell me how? *sigh*

I've been told that most people probably don't look into what their church believes as much as I am doing. *shifty* But what else can I do? I can't just blindly change. I need to know. I want to understand what the church truly *believes* where I and my family are getting fed.

Right now I'm thinking Lutheranism could very possibly be true (in this case, Biblical). Well, I think much of it is true, but some key things I'm not as sure about, yet. I want to believe that their system of theology is Biblical for the sake of my family and because there is so much about it that I like. But I feel a bit of despair thinking I don't know how I could ever make so many "new" beliefs my own, beliefs that I believe in the depths of my heart. Of course, God is the one who will have to show me and convince me.

I'm the kind of person who tends not to like change. I don't want to be wishy-washy. When something is important, if I believe something I want to believe it with my whole heart (if/when possible). The idea of changing beliefs so dramatically scares me a little.

Lord have mercy. . .

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